4D Sails Now in Production

APRIL FOOLS’ DAY – THIS IS A JOKE

World-class designer Sammy Sailmaker has announced an all-new product line that will be available during the summer of 2018: 4D sails. “3D is done,” he said in a recent press release. “We’ve taken the latest concept of molding perfect sails and added a fourth dimension.”

APRIL FOOLS’ DAY – THIS IS A JOKE

World-class designer Sammy Sailmaker has announced an all-new product line that will be available during the summer of 2018: 4D sails. “3D is done,” he said in a recent press release. “We’ve taken the latest concept of molding perfect sails and added a fourth dimension.”

 

What is this fourth dimension? The information publicly available is conspicuously vague, but Sammy was recently recorded by a frenemy while bragging over beers about the project. “Everyone knows the fourth dimension is time,” according to a voice memo recorded after sailing at the Coral Reefer Yacht Club bar. “The problem with 3D sails is that they last too damned long, so we’ve added in timed decay. After a certain time, the sails will have to be replaced. It’s the only way to stay in business long term.”

The frenemy pressed for more detail, and learned that a secret code is built into the tack of each sail during production that includes a date stamp and a counter that records each use. “Six months, or six days of sailing, which ever comes first,” Sammy bragged at the bar. “Hey, the car companies do it—why not us?”

When asked if the time decay stamp would also make the sails recyclable, Sammy nodded. “Yeah, that’s a big part of our plan going forward; to be part of the circular economy. If people have to buy new sails, they should be able to get rid of the old ones. After all, how many shower curtains do you really need?”

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