APRIL FOOLS’ DAY – THIS IS A JOKE
Tired of your crew taking a break from that max hiking position halfway up the beat? Buy them a pair of StickyPadz™, the latest innovation from Zhik—which rhymes with “Hike”, in case you wondered.
StickyPadz look like traditional neoprene hiking pants, but in addition to that comfy microfleece lining and great padding under the thighs, they’ve added a special velcro-like butt patch that—once you mount the matching patch to the hull—will keep your crew locked into a full droop forever.
Asked about a quick-release of butt from boat, the company’s Chief Marketing Officer admits that skippers might need to give crews more notice when tacking. “The pros? They’ve, like, already figured out this cool twist-popup move?” claims Abby YoYo, adding that she’s not actually a dinghy sailor. “For everyone else? It might, like, take a few dunkings before they sort out the proper technique, ya know?” In a followup email, she adds that a webinar is already in the works; this new move must be seen to be understood.
The company is also developing a keelboat legs-out version, but due to global shipping delays and design disagreements, that style won’t be ready in time for the 2021 season. “The skippers? They, like, thought the patch should be on the back of the calf?” Yoyo explains. “But crews said that would never work, duh! They said we should put the patch, like, on the heels of our boat shoes instead? We might offer both options.”
More mature sailors may be wondering if Zhik has forgotten about them, but Yoyo says they’re currently working on a Masters’ version. Pressed for details, she admitted that the StickyPadz would be applied to the top deck, to keep the master crew (or skipper) up on the high side. To avoid confusion, these will be marketed under a separate brand name: StickySeniorz™.